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Vogon Poetry 1: Stone

This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

Stone

(This poem is read in an exaggerated, melodramatic manner.)

 

Stone!

I look at the stone

It is round!

 

But not exactly round

It is more of an oval, really

But not exactly oval

It is a bent oval

 

Except that an oval is not a three dimensional shape

So it is a sphere!

But not exactly a sphere

It is more of an ellipsoid, really

But not exactly an ellipsoid

It is a bent ellipsoid

 

Perhaps the word I am looking for is stone-shaped

It is a stone-shape stone

 

Stone!

I look at the stone

It is stone-shaped!

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