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This second anniversary special episode includes behind the scenes updates, outtakes, and six very silly bad poems that were composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition in which the goal was to make poems that were as terrible (and funny) as possible.

I thought I’d do something special for the second anniversary of the podcast. I hope you all enjoy this bit of pure silliness and humor (plus the behind the scenes discussions of the projects I’m working on).

Listen now!

Photograph of a round chocolate cake with glossy frosting and a group of lit pink, yellow, green, and blue spiral shaped birthday candles burning on top.

Photograph of a round chocolate cake with glossy frosting and a group of lit pink, yellow, green, and blue spiral shaped birthday candles burning on top.

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This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

Stone Version 2

(This poem is designed to be read by two people. The bold text is read by a person doing a melodramatic delivery. The regular text is read by a person doing a calmer, explanatory delivery.)

 

Stone!

I look at the stone

It is round!

 

Round

Adjective: shaped like or approximately like a circle.

Noun: a circular piece of a particular substance.

Verb: pass and go around (something) so as to move on in a changed direction: “the ship rounded the cape and sailed north”

 

But not exactly round

It is more of an oval, really

 

Oval

Adjective,

Having a rounded and slightly elongated outline or shape,

Like that of an egg.

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This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

Beach stone

(In the performance of this poem I use different pronunciation and emphasis with each repetition.)

 

Beach stone

Beach stone

Beach stone

Beach stone

Beach stone

Beach stone!

 

Stone

Stone

Stone

Stone

Beach stone

 

Round

Round

Round

Oval

Ellipsoid

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This is a very silly bad poem that Tobi Hill-Meyer composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

How do I love thee, Part Two

(An important part of the humor of this poem is the terrible delivery Tobi did. Note that this poem touches on a bit of sexism and ableism.)

 

How do I love thee, Part Two

Let me count the ways

My humble words simply aren’t enough

I must quote from other stuff

 

How do I love you

Well let me see

I love you like a lyric loves a melody

(“Wrapped up in your” by Garth Brooks)

 

I love you baby like a flower loves the spring

And I love you baby just like Tina loves to Sing

(“River Deep – Mountain High” by Tina Turner)

 

I love you like a love song, baby

and I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

(“Love you like a love song” by Selema Gomez)

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This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

Ode to a Cumulus Cloud

 

Is that a cumuliform cloud I spy?

Wherefore do you come?

Wherefore do you go?

Wherefore your atmospheric suspension of liquid droplets?

 

How much moisture is in the air parcel

that forms your puffy, cotton-wool like appearance?

I can tell from your low cloud base that

the air must be significantly moist.

For you are no cumulus humilis or cumulus mediocris,

Oh, no!

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This is a very silly bad poem that Tobi Hill-Meyer composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

How do I love thee?
(The dashes inside some of the words are used to indicate the pronunciations used to force those words that wouldn’t otherwise rhyme to partially rhyme.)

 

How do I love thee?

 

Let me count the ways

One,

Two,

Three,

 

I could never get passed three.

Still, though, I love thee.

I may need some help.

Ahem

 

I love you like fish loves wa–ter.

I love you like philosophy loves being ob–scure.

 

I love you like the plague loves rats.

I love you like a fly loves craps.

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Vogon Poetry 1: Stone

This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.

The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.

 

Stone

(This poem is read in an exaggerated, melodramatic manner.)

 

Stone!

I look at the stone

It is round!

 

But not exactly round

It is more of an oval, really

But not exactly oval

It is a bent oval

 

Except that an oval is not a three dimensional shape

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It is finally the day of the Full Moon Ritual, but as the heroes prepare, they discover that something isn’t quite right. This episode is the conclusion to the first game of Unfamiliar Heroes.

Underneath the facade of ordinary reality lies a hidden world of monsters and magic. At Sylvan Community College a secret program teaches supernatural teens to deal with this dangerous world as they struggle with the mess and confusion of their own lives. Welcome to the First Responders Training Program, a tabletop game using the Monsterhearts 2 role-playing system!

As the seasons change I’m really excited to be wrapping up my first Unfamiliar Heroes game!

Listen now!

This illustration depicts three characters, each from a different genre of story, and each with a disability. On the left is a black gnome archer riding in a chariot pulled by a large brown dog. The chariot has a chair in it so that they can sit instead of stand. In the middle is a Latina woman manipulating a tech device on her wrist as she begins to go invisible. She is wearing an air filtering mask of the type that people with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity sometimes wear. On the right is a white muscular superhero wearing a very gay, blue superhero outfit. He has lightning crackling between his two hands, which are shaped atypically. This beautiful work of art was created the amazing Rose Adare!

This illustration depicts three characters, each from a different genre of story, and each with a disability. On the left is a black gnome archer riding in a chariot pulled by a large brown dog. The chariot has a chair in it so that they can sit instead of stand. In the middle is a Latina woman manipulating a tech device on her wrist as she begins to go invisible. She is wearing an air filtering mask of the type that people with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity sometimes wear. On the right is a white muscular superhero wearing a very gay, blue superhero outfit. He has lightning crackling between his two hands, which are shaped atypically. This beautiful work of art was created the amazing Rose Adare!

Unfamiliar Heroes is a podcast series in which three disabled, neurodiverse, and/or chronically ill players and a game master play story-focused tabletop role-playing games where all of the player characters have disabilities, diverse minds, and/or chronic illnesses. In its core values, this project centers the experiences of people living at the intersections of oppression. Unfamiliar Heroes is part of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

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In the fourth game episode of Unfamiliar Heroes the humor and drama continue as Tamara confronts Vanessa about her spying, Janus tries to figure out what the First Responders Training Program really is, and Vanessa has a vision that leads to an important revelation!

Underneath the facade of ordinary reality lies a hidden world of monsters and magic. At Sylvan Community College a secret program teaches supernatural teens to deal with this dangerous world as they struggle with the mess and confusion of their own lives. Welcome to the First Responders Training Program, a tabletop game using the Monsterhearts 2 role-playing system!

More silliness and teenage awkwardness in this episode along with some big reveals. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Listen now!

This illustration depicts three characters, each from a different genre of story, and each with a disability. On the left is a black gnome archer riding in a chariot pulled by a large brown dog. The chariot has a chair in it so that they can sit instead of stand. In the middle is a Latina woman manipulating a tech device on her wrist as she begins to go invisible. She is wearing an air filtering mask of the type that people with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity sometimes wear. On the right is a white muscular superhero wearing a very gay, blue superhero outfit. He has lightning crackling between his two hands, which are shaped atypically. This beautiful work of art was created the amazing Rose Adare!

This illustration depicts three characters, each from a different genre of story, and each with a disability. On the left is a black gnome archer riding in a chariot pulled by a large brown dog. The chariot has a chair in it so that they can sit instead of stand. In the middle is a Latina woman manipulating a tech device on her wrist as she begins to go invisible. She is wearing an air filtering mask of the type that people with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity sometimes wear. On the right is a white muscular superhero wearing a very gay, blue superhero outfit. He has lightning crackling between his two hands, which are shaped atypically. This beautiful work of art was created the amazing Rose Adare!

Unfamiliar Heroes is a podcast series in which three disabled, neurodiverse, and/or chronically ill players and a game master play story-focused tabletop role-playing games where all of the player characters have disabilities, diverse minds, and/or chronic illnesses. In its core values, this project centers the experiences of people living at the intersections of oppression. Unfamiliar Heroes is part of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.

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Guesting on Modifier!

So excited to be a guest on the Modifier podcast along with game masters Jordan Green, and Anna Murray for Episode 43: Get Acquainted with the Unfamiliar Heroes – Part 1. Accessibility is a reoccurring theme of the Modifier podcast, allowing us to really delve into this topic in detail. This was a great conversation and I hope you give it a listen!

“Fay Onyx, the mastermind behind the Unfamiliar Heroes podcast project, and two of its GMs, Anna Murray and Jordan Green, chat about what it’s like to run an actual play with diverse players and characters at the core. This first part of our conversation focuses on addressing the needs of players, and considering how accessible your game system itself is.”

Modifier is a bi-weekly interview-style podcast focused on the cool ways people alter games and gaming in the pursuit of better storytelling and a super fun time! From fully-realized published systems to in-progress homebrews, we’re on a mission to highlight all the heroes that are modding games to better tell their stories.

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