I am now releasing The Wishing Dildo in bite-sized chapters!
Summary: It is said that the Wishing Dildo can grant any wish relating to sexuality or fertility, as long as that wish is consensual. Prince Hart sure hopes that is true as he and his friend, trickster Tala, embark on a quest for it. As they travel, they soon discover that sometimes the greatest adventure is the people you meet along the way.
Note: This story contains some sexual humor.
This image is meant to capture the feeling of an exciting adventure. A road traverses a rocky, mountainous landscape that is dramatically lit by the setting sun.
The Wishing Dildo Part 1: Six Companions
Chapter 1
Once upon a time in the peaceful Kingdom of Five Quadrants, located on the west side of the Fantastical Continent along the Green Ocean coast, there lived a cisgender prince named Hart. He was honest and strong, kind and generous, graceful and handsome, and he had skin like burnished mahogany, with hair black as jet. And though he had been showered with blessings, Prince Hart had a problem. You see, he was an asexual person who never wanted to have sex, but since he was the queen’s only child and heir, there was a lot of pressure on him to produce an heir of his own. Therefore, Prince Hart sought out a magical solution, and it was said that far to the south, in the Wandering Kingdom, three royal siblings had just the artifact he needed.
Ten years ago, these siblings had gone on a quest to a strange and magical land and returned with the Wishing Dildo, a powerful artifact that had the power to grant any wish relating to sexuality or fertility, as long as that wish was consensual. Once home, the siblings built a tall tower at the place where the Errant River meets the Stormy Sea and filled it with monsters and traps to protect their prize. When that was complete, they announced to the world that anyone desiring to win the Wishing Dildo must come to the Wandering Kingdom and prove their worth by passing three tests. Of course, it was expected that each person who wanted to attempt the tests would first honor the three royal siblings with gifts both valuable and rare.
Now, Prince Hart had a great friend who was a clever trans woman named Tala. Tala was exceedingly adventurous, and she had been to the Wandering Kingdom and seen the tall, domed tower that guarded the dildo for herself. Well, Tala was more than happy to tell Prince Hart everything she knew about it in enthusiastic detail, and when Prince Hart decided to travel to the Wandering Kingdom to attempt the tests himself, Tala immediately volunteered to go with him.
Unfortunately, as Prince Hart began his preparations for this quest, his mother, the queen, struggled with the idea of her only child and heir going out into the world. After all, it could be dangerous, and she wanted to ensure his safety, so she started to draw up plans for a sizable military escort. Then she realized what she was doing and stopped. My fears are valid, she said to herself, but that doesn’t mean that I can make these decisions for my child. While I can share my ideas with him, I need to listen to him and respect the fact that he is mature enough to make his own choices.
So the queen talked it over with Prince Hart. And while he was nervous about rejecting the kind of safety an escort would provide, in his heart, he desperately wanted to leave everyone but Tala behind. Since his mother had tried to force him to marry three months before, she had made meaningful changes, and their relationship was starting to heal. However, she and many others were still struggling with those changes, and Prince Hart wanted to be away from that. He had spent most of his life with other people telling him who he was and what he should do; now he wanted to discover that for himself. If he was going to be a king someday, self-knowledge was essential, and he wasn’t going to find that by surrounding himself with soldiers.
And so Prince Hart consulted with Tala, and together, they came up with a plan; the two of them would leave everyone else behind and use speed rather than numbers to ensure their safety. To that end, Prince Hart asked for his mother’s eight red fairy steeds that were faster and stronger than any ordinary horses. As further protection, he requested his mother’s magical spyglass that always spotted danger. In addition, Prince Hart asked to use her tent of provisions that was small and humble on the outside, but spacious and grand on the inside, with a delicious meal always ready on the table. Finally, Prince Hart requested gifts to give to the royal families of the two kingdoms he intended to pass through, as well as a grand gift for the three royal siblings who held the Wishing Dildo.
Reluctantly, the queen agreed to this plan. She had to admit that it was well thought out, even if it did make her a bit uncomfortable. And two weeks later, everything was ready.
On a sunny late-summer morning, Prince Hart bade both of his mothers farewell, and with eight horses laden with gifts, he rode off with Tala by his side. The two of them traveled southward along the rainy coastline on a route that just so happened to take them by the large trade city of Clearwater Bay. Well, Prince Hart, being an enthusiastic scholar, insisted that they stop and spend the day looking over the magnificent library that was under construction there.
In honor of the prince’s visit, the two of them were greeted by master mason Tomás, a member of the family team that was orchestrating the construction. Tomás was a short, brown, chubby, muscular man with rounded features and a neatly trimmed black beard and mustache. As he led them around the grand, cathedral-like building that would one day house the largest collection of books in the kingdom, Prince Hart noticed that Tomás’s hands were trembling. Concerned, Prince Hart told Tomás that he didn’t need to be nervous. “We are not here to criticize,” he said, “but to admire your progress.”
To that, Tomás replied, “Your concern is kind, but it is not fear that makes my hands shake—that is simply the tremor that runs in my family.”
“Then I apologize,” Prince Hart said. “I should not have assumed.”
And so they continued their tour of the building site. However, when they were examining the intricate carvings underway in the mason’s lodge, they were interrupted by a sudden commotion. One of the wagons carrying stones up from the quarry had broken its axle, and as you might expect, it had done so in the most inconvenient of places—on the narrow stretch of road that led directly into the building site. It was completely blocking the road, and no one could get in or out.
In response, Tomás politely excused himself, walked over to the wagon, and unharnessed the horses. Next, he set the horses on top of the wagon and lifted it up, horses, stones, and all. Tomás then carried the wagon up the road to the carpenters’ workshop, where he gently set it down in a corner to wait for repair. After that, he returned to Tala and Prince Hart and resumed their tour as if nothing extraordinary had happened. Naturally, Tala and Prince Hart were most impressed.
You can read Chapter 2 here.
