This is a very silly bad poem that I composed for a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Vogon poetry competition. For those who don’t know, in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the poetry of the Vogon people is ‘the third worst in the galaxy.’ The goal of this competition was to create and perform hilariously bad poetry.
The audio of a live performance of this poem, along with the five other Vogon poems, can be found in the second anniversary special episode of the Writing Alchemy Podcast.
Clip art of a white quill outlined in black that is on top of a purple splatter of ink. Behind them is a black rectangle with rounded corners (a frame) that both the quill and ink splatter are slightly sticking out of.
Ode to a Cumulus Cloud
Is that a cumuliform cloud I spy?
Wherefore do you come?
Wherefore do you go?
Wherefore your atmospheric suspension of liquid droplets?
How much moisture is in the air parcel
that forms your puffy, cotton-wool like appearance?
I can tell from your low cloud base that
the air must be significantly moist.
For you are no cumulus humilis or cumulus mediocris,
Oh, no!
You are a cumulus congestus
with your cauliflower-like vertical development
developing toward a giant cumulonimbus!
Has your extreme convection
overcoming a capping inversion?
Your air cooling at the dry adiabatic lapse rate
until it reaches the falling dewpoint.
Will liquid water precipitate onto the land below?
Oh, cumulus cloud,
If only I were you
Oh, cumulus cloud,
then you’d be me,
And I’d be a cumuliform cloud
blocking photosynthesis
from the troposphere of the homosphere
where 99% of the water vapor and aerosols
are to be found.
