This is a visualization tool I created for myself based on some information my therapist gave me. It is about bringing love, compassion, and additional emotional resources to a past situation where my ability to cope was overwhelmed (trauma). Using it repeatedly has helped me heal trauma and greatly reduce the intensity of certain trauma triggers.
Because holding on to love and compassion while facing something overwhelming is challenging, this tool can take a lot of work. The more intense the trauma, the more work it is. Because of this, I use this tool when I’m not triggered, or am only mildly triggered. If I’m strongly triggered, I calm myself with orienting techniques and self-care strategies.
Note: I am not a healthcare professional and this is not medical advice. It is simply a record of what has personally helped me and the reasoning behind it.
This article is part of the Anxiety Tools Series. Click here for more tools that help with anxiety.
A photograph of two orange tabby kittens cuddling and snoozing together, one on top of the other.
Overview
- Connect and Send Love
- Validate Past Emotions
- Name the Situation and Validate
- Describe the Past Self Positively
- We Are a Team
- Hug and Send More Love
Step 1: Connect and Send Love
What I Do: I start by visualizing myself within a past traumatic situation. Next, I imagine my present self, as a separate person, lovingly placing my hands on the back of my past self. I take a moment to focus on the imagined touch and sending that past self love, support, and compassion.
Why It Might Help: Research has shown that there are psychological benefits to talking to yourself in third person, as if you are two separate people. It creates a bit of mental distance from intense experiences and helps us to think more clearly. These aren’t studies of trauma or visualization, but I suspect that viewing my past self as a separate person does give me enough distance from the trauma that it is easier to manage. I think that this mental distance makes it easier for me to feel things like self-love and compassion while facing the trauma.
Step 2: Validate Past Emotions
What I Do: Next I focus on recognizing and validating my past self’s emotions. For example, I might say, “You are hurt, frightened, and overwhelmed. That makes so much sense! What is happening to you is incredibly hurtful, frightening, and overwhelming. Your emotions make perfect sense. I’m so sorry this happened to you!” Then I take a moment to feel with my past self, sending as much love and compassion as I can.
Why It Might Help: Validation is about accepting an experience as it is. Research shows that validation is healing and connecting and I believe that this self-validation is about connecting with and healing my past self.
Step 3: Name the Situation and Validate
What I Do: Next I identify what was overwhelming about the situation, label it, and validate my experience of it. If something unfair or wrong happened, I clearly state that. For example, I might say to myself, “What happened to you was messed up and unethical! It was wrong and you deserved better!” If the situation was overwhelming without being unethical, I state that. For example, I might say to myself, “It might not have been intended, but that was an overwhelming amount of pressure. Your response makes perfect sense!”
Why It Might Help: This is more validation. In particular, I find that clearly stating what was overwhelming about the situation and validating my response to it is a useful way to connect with my self-compassion and avoid self-judgment and blame. Directly stating what was overwhelming about the situation sometimes involves reframing, or shifting how I interpret things to something more neutral and compassionate, which can also help.
Step 4: Describe the Past Self Positively
What I Do: I describe my past self with compassionate and positive words. For example, I might say, “Oh, my poor, sweet, sensitive darling! You deserve better than this!” If it feels right, I will add in some self-appreciation and gratitude. For example, I might say, “I’m so proud of you for getting through this!”
Why It Might Help: This is positive reframing where I shift my perspective of my past self to be more compassionate, loving, and positive. Gratitude also has positive psychological benefits.
Step 5: We Are a Team
What I Do: I tell my past self that I am here for hir and we are going to do this together. For example, I might say, “I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I’m here with you and I love and care about you. We are going to get through this together.” If it feels right, this can be a good time for prayer or connecting to something greater.
Why It Might Help: Isolation is often a big part of trauma. By talking to my past self as if we are two separate people and affirming our connection, I am connecting the compassionate part of myself with the part of me that is frozen in this overwhelming moment.
Step 6: Hug and Send More Love
What I Do: I like to finish the visualization by imagining my current self hugging my past self and sending more love, support, and compassion.
Why It Might Help: This is more of that healing self-connection and self-compassion.
