This is the fourth bite-size chapter of The Wishing Dildo series!
Summary: It is said that the Wishing Dildo can grant any wish relating to sexuality or fertility, as long as that wish is consensual. Prince Hart sure hopes that is true as he and his friend, trickster Tala, embark on a quest for it. As they travel, they soon discover that sometimes the greatest adventure is the people you meet along the way.
Note: This story contains some sexual humor.
This image is meant to capture the feeling of an exciting adventure. A road traverses a rocky, mountainous landscape that is dramatically lit by the setting sun.
The Wishing Dildo Part 1: Six Companions
Chapter 4
This story is continuing from Chapter 3, which you can read here.
That evening, they reached the bank of the Placid River, where they made camp. The following morning, they hired a barge to take them south, then west down the river to the capital.
Once they had boarded, gotten the horses settled, and cast off, there was nothing for the passengers to do but watch the scenery as they glided south through the bustling countryside. This was a big challenge for Min, because, without the immediacy of horseback riding, there wasn’t anything to take her mind off her curiosity about Anissa. And Min’s mind was bursting with questions—questions that she held back because Anissa didn’t seem to like being questioned and Min didn’t want to be rude.
So Min tried to focus on the scenery, and as she did so, the barge passed through a field of people with their heads bent, hard at work with their weeding hooks. Before the rest of her mind had caught up with her, Min asked, “Do you ever wonder why they call it ‘planting the parsnip’ when people don’t even plant parsnip roots? I mean, they sow seeds, right? AND parsnip roots don’t look that much like penises. They are all wide at the base and super pointy at the tip. Carrots are more like it, but you don’t plant grown carrots either, so maybe it should be something like ‘washing the carrot?’ Except that you wash carrots with your hands, which is a different kind of action, so maybe something like ‘baking the carrot’ or ‘stuffing the carrot into the roast?’”
Anissa laughed and said, “I don’t think there’s much logic to euphemisms.”
Min gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh no! I’m not supposed to ask you questions, am I?”
“You can ask me questions,” said Anissa.
“Nope,” said Min. “There are some questions that bother you, and once I start asking, sooner or later, I’m going ask something inappropriate. That is just how it works for me, so it’s better that I don’t even start.”
Well, that didn’t seem like a good solution to Anissa, so she thought about it until she had an idea. “What if I give you permission to ask me any question you want,” she said, “but I just won’t answer anything I consider too personal?”
Min bit her lip uncertainly. “Are you sure that’s going to work?”
“No,” said Anissa, “but I think it is worth a try, don’t you?”
“Well…sure!” Min said with a grin. “Let’s give it a try!”
Now, it’s a strange fact of magic that when people meet on the Fantastical Continent, they instantly understand the basics of each other’s genders, just as if you could tell what a person’s gender was by looking at them, which, of course, you normally can’t. However, knowing the basics of a person’s gender is not the same as knowing the details, and Anissa’s gender was rather complicated, so, after only the briefest of pauses, Min asked, “Does this mean that I can ask you about your gender?”
“What do you want to know?” Anissa replied.
“Well, your pronouns switch back and forth between ey and she, but it doesn’t seem like your gender is changing,” said Min. “Why is that?”
Anissa laughed and then said, “I’m surprised you haven’t met anyone with alternating pronouns before.”
“Oh, I have!” Min exclaimed, “But most people don’t like answering questions about their gender.”
“I can understand that,” said Anissa. “And the first thing that you need to know is that everyone is different. In my case, it is not that my gender is changing, but that I feel both genderless and like a woman at the same time, and that complicated experience is easiest to express by alternating between two pronoun sets.”
“Aren’t those feelings opposites?” Min asked.
“The same could be said of happiness and sadness,” replied Anissa, “but it is still possible to simultaneously feel happy about one thing and sad about another.”
Naturally, this explanation made Min think of more questions, which in turn led to even more questions. And so it was that Min and Anissa spend the rest of the voyage talking as the barge glided down the Placid River’s sweeping curves.
That evening, they arrived in the capital of the Gilded Kingdom. The rulers here were not on the best terms with Prince Hart’s mother, so it was particularly important for him to make a great show of respect and friendship, which he did by presenting the sovereign and queen with fabulous gifts both precious and rare. They, in turn, honored Prince Hart with five days of feasting.
Well, after her last experience with royalty, feasting for five days sounded simply dreadful to Min, and neither she nor Anissa wanted anything to do with temperamental royalty, so the two of them decided to spend their time looking after the horses in the stables. That left Tala, Tomás, and Prince Hart, taking the same preventative measures as last time, to entertain the royal couple. Fortunately, Tala was very entertaining, and she captivated everyone with marvelous stories of her many adventures. However, once the sovereign and queen found out that Prince Hart was on a quest to win the Wishing Dildo, that was all they wanted to talk about. They asked many, many questions and pressured Prince Hart to share his plans with them.
In the stables, Min and Anissa discovered the reason for the royal couple’s intense interest from the local gossip. It turned out that the sovereign and queen had themselves made no fewer than five attempts to win the Wishing Dildo, each time sending a different emissary with a different grand gift, all without success. Upon hearing this, Prince Hart suddenly realized that acquiring the Wishing Dildo was only his first task; once he had it, he would have to find a way to bring it home without causing a diplomatic incident.
Finally, on the sixth day, the feasting was over and the five companions were ready to resume their journey. After a formal farewell, during which the royal couple wished “to see Prince Hart upon his victorious return” with disturbing eagerness, they left, taking the road that led west to the Errant River. Once there, they intended to hire a boat to transport them south down the river to the Wandering Kingdom and the tower that held the Wishing Dildo.
You can read Chapter 5 here.
