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After something stressful occurs, it can feel like the fear gets trapped inside me and my mind gets stuck in a fearful place. Even though the stressful event is over, my brain and body aren’t calming down. When this happens, I use these tools to help myself shift to a better place, both physically and mentally.

This article is part of the Anxiety Tools Series. Click here for more tools that help with anxiety.

Also, please note that this article is not medical advice, nor is it a replacement for medical care. This is just me sharing some of my personal experiences and the tools that have worked specifically for me.

An orange tabby cat laying on top of a pair of blue and green plaid pajama bottoms. The cat is stretched out with a blissful look on their face as they sleep. It looks as if someone took off their pants so that they could get up without disturbing the blissful slumber of this kitty.

The Tools

For me, it usually takes doing at least three or four of these tools to shift myself from fear mode to a calm place. Sometimes I go through most of them before I’m feeling better. And sometimes, especially when there is something I’m still anxious about, I don’t feel all the way better, but these tools still help.

Many of these tools are things that people already know about, like journaling, spending time with pets, getting hugs, and exercising, but others are things that are less commonly known about, like “completing the cycle” and orienting. I’ve collected these tools all together because I think it is helpful to have them all in one place. Especially when I’m stressed, it can be useful to be reminded of what I can do to make things better, because I won’t necessarily remember all of my options in the moment.

These tools are grouped into categories that follow a sequence that I personally find helpful, but really this is about doing what feels best in the moment. This sequence starts with “Immediate Calming Tools,” and then moves on to tools that are helpful for “Processing Through the Stress and Fear.” Next I do “Soothing Tools.” Finally, I use tools that are helpful for “Shifting Mind Modes” to get my brain into a calmer and more stable space. However, each time is different, and if it feels right to do things in a totally different order, I will.

Immediate Calming Tools

These are things I do right after something stressful happens to help my body let go of some of the intensity of the stressful event.

Completing the Cycle: As I understand it, people’s bodies can get stuck in the “freeze” part of the fight, flight, or freeze response. In these situations, it can be extremely helpful do an action that signals to the body that the danger is over and we can leave the emergency mode. The idea here is that we are intentionally helping the body finish its stress cycle so that the stress hormones will be removed from the body. Personally, I find that vigorous movement, like shaking it all out or running in place, really helps me. However there are a lot of other options, like screaming, singing, walking, hugs, arts and crafts, and self-care activities. You can find out more information about this in “Healing Stress by Completing the Cycle” (note that there is some discussion of sexuality in this article).

Orienting: This is an anxiety tool set designed to help a person’s nervous system connect to the present moment. The way I understand it is that when people are upset, their mind is usually focusing on the past or the future. Helping the nervous system connect to the present helps it calm down. You can read the full article on orienting here.

Hugs: If there is another person available, ask for a hug. Ideally this would be a long, slow hug where you take a deep breath and relax into the hug. When I need a hug and no one is around, I will hug a pillow or wrap a blanket around myself and pull it tight. The physical pressure is calming to the nervous system on a physiological level (this is why weighted blankets can be so helpful for some people).

Confident Body Posture: Another quick tool for shifting things is to spend thirty seconds sitting, standing, on lying down in a strong, confident body posture. Doing this creates hormone shifts that reduce stress. This TED Talk by Amy Cuddy has more details on this technique, as well as a touching personal story. Continue Reading »

Tags: anxiety, anxiety tools, calm, calming down, completing the cycle, fear, immediate calming tools, mental pattern, mind mode, processing through emotion, self care, shifting mind modes, soothing, soothing tools, stress